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07 November 2020 @ 12:37 pm

This journal is now friends only. I talk about personal things and quite frankly, it's come back to bite me when I haven't protected the entries.

I love to express myself. I think of this journal as a place to be completely honest. If you want to be added, comment with how you know me and why you want to be added. Comments are screened.

01 October 2012 @ 12:19 pm
I've been trying to catch up on friend's entries and realized, I don't even remember some of the people who are my on my friend's list anymore. There are a few that I want to keep in contact with and some who I find myself just skipping their posts. I feel that I should whittle the list down. And so, I'm making some friend's cut. If you wanted to stay and I cut you, please let me know. If I didn't cut you and you were hoping I would, by all means, defriend me.
Thank you for the brief time our paths did cross. Thank you for the friendship, advice, and laughs. There comes a time though when we move on. For me, that time is now. Maybe our paths will cross again in the future. Maybe they won't. For now, I wish you the best on your journey. Until we meet again.
20 January 2012 @ 05:02 pm
I thought that tomorrow I would start my spiritual journey, but I was wrong. I realize now that I've been starting it all week by thinking about this, meditating on it, and growing excited to begin this. Yesterday was the last day that I put product in my hair. Perhaps the last time if I keep these dreads for life. I can see myself as an old woman with gray and white hair in dreadlocks. Honestly though, I don't know if I'll keep them that long. It depends on where this journey takes me. Anyway, I put product in my hair and curled it. I needed to do it one last time since I love the way my hair holds a curl. I then took pictures (of course Griffin had to be in on them) of my hair. I didn't think to take a behind picture, but oh well.

I intended to take a shower last night, but Dann and I were catching up on Once Upon a Time. Then I felt sleepy and needed to go to bed. I think, subconsciously, I didn't want to wash them out yet. I wasn't ready. Today my hair was still in curls. I went to take a shower. I had my new shampoo to strip my hair of product and leave it natural. I turned on the shower and undressed to get in. I glanced at myself in the mirror and saw the curls there. And then it hit me. Tomorrow I would be dreading my hair. Tomorrow I would be starting this journey. I stood there, staring in the mirror, touching my curls, allowing them to loop around my finger as my mind slowly wrapped around what this meant. When I stepped in the shower I would be washing myself of the previous journey I'd been on. I would be starting new, starting clean, starting fresh. I would be free of "getting better" and I would be starting to be organic to myself. After a time, I finally stepped in the shower. I let the water run over my hair and I touched the hair as the curls fell out. I washed my face and then, taking a breath, I pumped the shampoo into my hand and starting washing my hair. I scrubbed at it, making sure to cover every single hair. Finally, I washed it out. My hair felt course. I had no conditioner in it. I finished washing and turned the shower off. I squeezed the water out of my hair. I felt clean. I know that sounds silly since I just showered, but I felt like my soul had been cleaned. My head tingled and I felt like it was breathing. And in that moment I knew that this journey had begun.

Tomorrow I'll take a step of representation of this journey by putting dreadlocks in. It's going to be a 2 day affair. And when I come home on Sunday I plan on shutting myself away for awhile and doing some reflection on my soul and some journaling of the weekend experience. Whatever I do, I know that this weekend will be emotional and exciting. And also fun. I plan on letting lose with Katie and Sarah, letting my soul be free. I'm excited. Katie picks me up at 10am tomorrow. I'm going to take another shower tonight to ensure that all product is out of my hair. Today, life felt wonderful. I love this new icon because it's such a reflection of how I feel inside, how I know I will feel on this journey. Some days won't be wonderful. Some days won't be freeing. Some days will be hard. But that's all part of the journey. And it's the journey I'm looking forward to.

So, here's a few pictures of Griff and I from yesterday. We did photobooth on my mac so it's kind of a photo dump on here with far more photos than you probably want to see, but they were amusing and I thought I'd share.

Bunches of Griffin and Mommy picturesCollapse )
18 January 2012 @ 12:47 am
I am embarking on a spiritual journey. It's not just a journey about religion. It's not a journey about finding Truth. It's a journey about finding myself and learning things and becoming stronger. I feel like this is the time for my journey to begin.

To begin this journey, I'm dreading my hair. It's symbolic in so many ways and I believe that these dreads will take me on a bigger journey than I can imagine.

Katie Pershon and Sarah Laman-Reed (I'll have to find a way to keep these Sarah's straight in here so you remember. This Sarah isn't best friend/old roommate Sarah with Finn. This Sarah is a friend of Katie's who's also fast becoming my friend.) are dreading my hair on Saturday. My birthday is next Tuesday and I've been feeling like the time to begin this journey has happened. They wanted to do it for me. They're actually excited about it. Sarah had her hair dreaded before and just recently got rid of her dreads. I'm really excited, but I know that a lot of people won't understand this journey.

I tried to explain it to my mom. I kept the conversation, so I thought I'd post it on here, not only for my own reference, but also so that you can see what I'm talking about as well.

At this point in the conversation via MSN messenger, we had talked about our lives right now, etc. And now I tell her about the dread (and cut out some of the convo about off topic things at the end).


Brianna says: (11:51:11 AM)
The other thing I wanted to let you know is that I'm dreading my hair on Saturday. We're having a 2 day "Dreadfest" at Katie Pershon's house. Drinking lots of chocowine and watching movies and doing my hair and celebrating my birthday. I tell you this so that you're not surprised when you see it next.

MARY says: (11:51:52 AM)
I heard through the grapevine...no response ;)

Brianna says: (11:56:46 AM)
I know you don't approve but I have a million reasons why this is the perfect time and why I feel that I need to do this. It's a lifestyle change- it's a way of life and a way of living.
I'm moving on from being the victim to taking control of my life. I went to the doctor's on Friday and I found out that I've lost 10 pounds. He estimates that I'll lost 150 pounds within the next 2 years. If I add diet and exercise possibly within the next year. My life is turning around. I'm getting more energy. I'm making life changes.

MARY says: (11:56:56 AM)

MARY says: (11:57:08 AM)
thats good

Brianna says: (11:57:42 AM)
I'm going on a spiritual journey to find myself and what I believe, delving into it more than before. 
I know that a lot of people think that I have pretty hair and that I'm this pretty girl, but inside I feel like I'm free. I want to reflect outside what I feel inside. I want to go back to nature and be natural. Dreads are something I've wanted for a long time and I feel like I NEED to do this for myself. It's hard to explain, but this feels like the final step in a long journey and yet the beginning step in a new one. It's not just a hair color or something like that- it's a new way of living, a new life, a new choice. It's a decision that will be symbolic of the new journey my life is taking. And that's why I want to do this. 

MARY says: (11:58:15 AM)
I just don't understand how looking like a major Bob Marley fan is going to change your life

MARY says: (11:59:43 AM)
goos frah bah

Brianna says: (12:02:04 PM)
That's a misconception. There are so many different ways that dreds can look. It's a stereotype. I want to let my hair be natural, connect to myself with new sensations and a new look. It's hard to explain myself to you because, no offense, but you're of the Victorian mindset and I've become much more hippy. I'm even washing my hair and body with all natural soap now. I'm delving into herbs. I'm looking at natural ways to do things. I'm using cloth pads. I cloth diapered. I want to have a garden and grow my own food. I literally worship the earth. So it's hard to explain to y ou why this means so much to me because I feel like I'm asking you to understand something that I'm just understanding myself.
And so instead of asking people's permission for these things, I'm more or less asking your tolerance while I embark on this journey. Dann doesn't even quite understand it, but he's supportive of me doing something. ... 

Brianna says: (12:03:20 PM)
Not that you're not
That's not what I'm saying
I'm saying I told you not for permission but more for a warning so that you can understand that it's not a where's waldo tattoo under my arm- this is symbolic to me more than you can possibly understand

MARY says: (12:05:06 PM)
ok, then go for it...but I still think you are the strangest person I know...but I love you even so.  

MARY says: (12:09:26 PM)
just remember that not all hippies did drugs...you can stay clean...pot costs money

Brianna says: (12:09:34 PM)
True fact.

Brianna says: (12:09:47 PM)
Mom, I've seriously never tried them in my whole life

MARY says: (12:09:47 PM)
unless you are going to grow your own..hahe

Brianna says: (12:09:52 PM)

Brianna says: (12:09:55 PM)
That's true too

Brianna says: (12:10:18 PM)
Gavin has such bad smoke asthma that even the thought of smoking makes me feel like I need to protect him

Brianna says: (12:10:21 PM)
So no worries there :)

MARY says: (12:10:44 PM)
lol, well that's one thing then :)

Brianna says: (12:11:27 PM)
fair enough. I'm just a tree hugger. :)
But I think you saw this coming when I was in high school and talking to trees
To be fair

MARY says: (12:12:11 PM)
sigh...I guess so.  You're so fey.  hahe

Brianna says: (12:15:14 PM)
Anyway, both the boys are gone so I'm gonna spend some time with Dann now. I love you :)

MARY says: (12:15:38 PM)
love you too fairy face


To add to that, I stumbled across this site on my obsessive casual dreadlock google search and it echoed so much in my soul.


I am so ready for this journey. There are things that I know that I'll learn along the way that will be huge for me. Some of them are patience, self-worth, strength, and the two that are mentioned on that aforementioned site- judgement, acceptance, and vanity.

I feel like it's time to stretch myself, to mold and shape who I am. I'm done being the victim in my life. I'm done with the drama the past few years has had. I'm done with the person that I've had hovering over myself. It's a journey of moving forward, of moving on. It's a journey of understanding myself, of learning to be free. I am free inside, but some things hold me back. I know. I know. What are dreads going to do to change that? But it's not the dreads. It's the symbolism of the dreads. I'm excited to do this. I'm excited to move forward. I'm excited for this entire change. I can feel the energy surging through my body at the thought of it.

It's time to take control of my life once again. But this time I don't have an end destination in mind- I'm looking forward to the journey.
12 November 2010 @ 06:08 pm
I'm going to make a friends cut. It's been so long since I've been on here and now I'm starting it back up. If you'd like to be on here still, please let me know. I feel like from my neglect I've lost a lot of people. Some of you might not even remember me or my name. But that's the beauty of the internet, we touch people's lives for a while, bond, and then we can move on. No guilt. No remorse. And honestly, I have no hurt feelings. There are some of you I've followed on facebook, although I'm hardly on there. There are some of you I've followed on here still, although not very much. But there are also some of you who have touched me so deeply, so much, that I would honestly miss you and have. I want this journal to be pure, to be honest, and so if you don't want to be friends anymore for any reason, feel free to defriend me or not comment or even leave a comment saying that you don't want to. I don't want any more fakeness in my life. It's time to open up and be raw and honest. If you don't want that, then that's okay. But I'm a human being with thoughts and emotions and I need to let it all out and let it be free from within.

<3 Brianna
11 March 2009 @ 11:25 am
It's time for another friends cut. If I've removed you it's because either:

1. We no longer have anything in common
2. I don't agree with your life choices and so out of respect for you, I'm leaving your friends list
3. You hardly update or comment

This is hard because I feel like I'm hurting some of you by cutting you, but the main reason for some of this is number 2 for the majority that I'm cutting. If I don't agree with your life choices, I probably shouldn't be on your friends list. While I care about you, if I don't agree with the way you parent or what you choose to do with your life, I don't think that I should be on your friends list or you on mine out of respect. You have every right to live your life the way you want and think what you want, but if I don't generally agree with those choices, I feel that I should just say goodbye. I hope there's no hard feelings. Thank you for the time that we were friends. I've learned a lot from many of you.

I'm going to screen this post so that if any of you have a problem with why I deleted you or want to talk about it, you can feel free to do so without causing drama.

Also, if I'm one of those people to you, please unfriend me and I won't have any hard feelings regarding it. I understand completely. I know I just requested to be added by some of you but now that I'm reading it, I know that we're just not really compatible, know what I mean?

I wish you all the best in life.

[EDIT] Apparently you can't see my reply when comments are screened so I'm unscreening comments for now. If you feel uncomfortable replying, please send me a message.